


Beautiful Than Ever

by lun_a



Category: BTOB
Genre: Angst, M/M, idk im a starving iljae stan, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 02:32:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13378257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lun_a/pseuds/lun_a
Summary: Two years after BTOB finished their military service, Ilhoon was still contemplating with his feelings that were left hanging. He and Sungjae broke up and it has been way too long ago but Ilhoon is still busy fixing his broken heart.





	Beautiful Than Ever

Ilhoon stared into nothing as he recalled a person whom he was fond of. Well, we can say he still is fond of him after a while. He was Ilhoon's kryptonite— believe it or not, he always stumbled whenever he stood by the doorway with his morning messy hair, he was his weakness. But ironically, he was Ilhoon's strength at the same time. When Ilhoon would say he can't compose anymore, he'd be hitting him with his big banana stuff toy to tell Ilhoon he still needs to sing another song from him and there, Ilhoon would just stare at him playing his computer games and he'd be able to compose.

 

They spent the best of their times together. They sat under the stars while sitting by the rails of their rooftop. They'd cuddle during winter, they'd play in the beach during summer and even sneak out from their schedules to at least have a movie date. Sungjae was Ilhoon's everything though he isn't as showy as he is. Sungjae would be the one telling random i-love-you's and Ilhoon would just either kiss his cheeks or hug him from the back.

It was even a mystery to him how Sungjae was able to change him. Ilhoon never liked skinship but Sungjae was different. He's so huggable that he can't help but squeeze him in his arms even though he knows Sungjae's body is much bigger than his. Nevertheless, he loves it more when he's the one in Sungjae's arms when they sleep.

"Hey," Eunkwang nudged him and Ilhoon was brought back to reality. "Daydreaming again? Come on, you're not a kid anymore," Eunkwang said, tapping his head.

"Did Peniel call already?" Ilhoon asked, picking up the pizza from the box on the table Eunkwang brought.

"Nuh-uh," Eunkwang shook his head, "Don't worry, he's taking care of Sungjae. They'd be just fine," he added. Ilhoon glared at him while munching his food.

"I only asked about Peniel," he defensively said. Eunkwang shrugged, "You asked about him, yes but practically, I know you just want to know if Sungjae's doing fine." Ilhoon sighed in defeat, they really know him well.

It has been two years after Ilhoon and Sungjae, the two youngest of BTOB, finished their military service. The two of them were the ones who stayed with Peniel when the older four went together to enter the military. They wanted to atleast maximize their time with their fans before they temporarily leave the industry.

The original plan was that they would come back as BTOB again a year after they all finish their service. Unfortunately, they all needed some time. Changsub and Peniel were the only ones ready to come back but of course, they have to wait for the others. Minhyuk and Eunkwang needed time to catch up as they sort of cooled off before they entered the military. Hyunsik went home to find some peace and inspiration on writing their comeback songs. Meanwhile Ilhoon and Sungjae broke up months after entering the military. Even though they see each other inside everyday, we all know they are prohibited to expose their relationship there. They tried to hang together before they go to bed but it seemed like they've lost each other as days passed by. Sungjae said he just needed some time and space while Ilhoon remained quiet. They did not meet since then that they got out. Eventually, Ilhoon found out Sungjae went with Peniel to Chicago for God knows why.

Minhyuk barged into the quiet dorm which made Ilhoon flinch a little. Minhyuk went straight to his boyfriend's lap then turned to Ilhoon. "Hey, Changsub's talking to Peniel in his room right no--- oh yeah, he's there, go talk to them," Minhyuk trailed, not being able to finish his sentence as Ilhoon stormed to Changsub's room and slamming the door shut.

Minhyuk raised his brows to Eunkwang, as if they both knew it would happen. "Changsub's there? Thought he's out, haven't heard any noise since I got here," Eunkwang curiously asked.

"Well apparently, that asshole ditched Chorong yesterday to play with high schoolers in the computer shop until midnight," Minhyuk responded, shaking his head. He slowly slid down his boyfriend's lap to curl up beside him and intertwine their fingers.

"Sungjae would be coming back soon, I hope Ilhoon would be fine," Minhyuk worriedly said. Eunkwang can't do anything but to agree.

 

~

"You'll be fine. Everything's gonna be alright," Changsub patted Ilhoon's shoulder lightly after closing his laptop. Ilhoon sat quietly by the edge of the older one's bed, his right foot lifelessly rolling Changsub's skateboard against the floor.

Peniel said earlier that they'd be coming home in two weeks, earlier than they expected but Hyunsik told them he had finished composing and that they should come back as soon as possible.

"Tell me hyung, how can I perform well when I'm with Sungjae. I mean, I don't think I can work with him anymore," Ilhoon ran his palms on his face them messed his hair.

"You were able to endure it after breaking up in the military right? I know you can do it now, too and don't you think it'd be easier if you get a proper talk or closure with him so that you won't be paranoid like this anymore?" Changsub suggested.

Ilhoon thought of it too but it isn't so easy. 

 

~

Ilhoon met Sungjae on a Tuesday.

Not in the airport, though. He did not go with the boys when they fetched Peniel and Sungjae when they came back. Ilhoon purposedly made himself busy that day to not meet him.

But it was like fate is playing with them, Ilhoon bumped with him in a cafe. It was late afternoon and Ilhoon was alone, buying an Iced Americano. He somehow got addicted to it too after spending most of his time with Changsub who is always bored and hungry.

Ilhoon grabbed the cup on the counter when another hand touched his at the same time on the cup.

"Oh, sorry I thou-- Sungjae," Ilhoon spoke the last word so softly, almost a whisper.

"Ilhoon," Sungjae greeted, surprise is a little transparent in his eyes. Ilhoon can hear his heart cracking. He isn't used to hear him call his name like that but what does he want? They're not the same as before anymore.

They shared the same table but no one spoke. Ilhoon was too coward to even look at him although he badly want to. Sungjae sat still, watching the other play with the ice in his drink.

"How have you been?" Sungjae asked. It was not a cliché thing— talking at the same time after a long awkward silence. Ilhoon smiled to himself before looking up at him, he should not keep his hopes up.

"Fine, I guess?" Ilhoon chuckled. He himself really isn't sure about his answer. "How was Chicago? Did Peniel lied about the 'green grass of home' he has been missing?"

Sungjae smiled, it almost reached his eyes and Ilhoon wanted to hug him for that. "It was great and no, Peniel told the truth. The grass in their backyard is no joke, it feels home you would want to lie down there until dawn," Sungjae explained, his eyes sparkling.

This was one of those moments Ilhoon dreamt of— talking to him again, listening to his stories with full colors of rainbows and unicorns. He was this bright to Ilhoon's eyes.

"That's good," Ilhoon shrugged.

"I see you like coffee now, huh?" Sungjae noticed with a teasing voice.

"Changsub had nothing to do but drag me all the time here and order me the same with his. I became his past time friend for almost a year now," Ilhoon doesn't want to show it but he's more than happy to be talking with him again this light. He hoped Sungjae feels the same.

Sungjae's phone rang, it seemed urgent that he just signalled Ilhoon of taking it and the latter had nothing to do but nod at him. Unallowed thoughts of who the hell it may be ran through Ilhoon's mind after Sungjae left.

What if he has someone new now? No, it maybe one of their members— but why would he take it so privately? Maybe a new friend? For fuck's sake, Sungjae never did that to him. When they're together before, he'd ignore even their manager because he always said time spent with him would always be more precious than any phone calls.

Ilhoon shook off the thoughts aside as he saw Sungjae coming back. He pulled out a sigh of relief as he actually expected him to leave without saying goodbye.

 

Sungjae sat back, smiling so widely. He looked at Ilhoon then spoke,

"Sorry about that. Girlfriends are crazy, they think about the weirdest ideas. So paranoid!" 

Ilhoon gulped. Well, that was so uncalled for.

 

~

 

It has been weeks that Ilhoon has been thinking about that thing Sungjae talked about. Girlfriends? Sungjae got himself a girl after having a previous relationship with Ilhoon? Just how fucked up is that? Scratch that, Ilhoon's more fucked up.

In six days of time, they're releasing their fourth full album which, of course, Hyunsik composed again. Ilhoon wanted to contribute, but he's just damn broken these days that he can't even comprehend with what's going on with his life. His group understood, though Ilhoon did not speak about their accident meeting at the cafe, his hyungs can sense he's hurt after Sungjae's homecoming.

Ilhoon was alone in the rooftop of their company building that night. It's already two o'clock so technically, it's morning already. He heard footsteps behind him which he thought was the security so he prepared going home already because he knows he's gonna shoo him off to leave the building. As Ilhoon turned, he saw the person wasn't the security. He knew the figure so well and he can smell the same scent he loves as the guy closed the distance between them.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you cold?" Sungjae worriedly asked, making Ilhoon's heart ache for his concern. He shook his head as he sat back down, staring at the city lights.

"What about you?" He asked back.

"Nothing. I just finished a shooting for a CF and I didn't have the feels to go home yet," Sungjae said. His phone beeped, someone texted him but he ignored it anyway. Ilhoon was a little surprised but he reminded himself again to not let his hopes up.

"You should go home now. Someone might be worried of you," Ilhoon doesn't want to bring it up but the bitterness inside got the best of him.

"Yeah, Peniel would be smacking my head tomorrow for coming home so late. Lately, that guy has been nagging me like a mom and I hate it," Sungjae seemed to not get the topic Ilhoon brought up. The latter wanted to stop but his stupid mouth betrayed him.

"I mean, your girl. Thought maybe she'd be bombarding you with calls and texts. You know, usual paranoid," Ilhoon said, his heart shattering again but he drowned it with another can of beer beside him.

Sungjae snorted, as if Ilhoon told a joke. He least expected him to tell him that and wondered where on earth has he gotten that shit. "Girl? What girl?" He asked.

"Don't deny it. I won't be mad," Ilhoon said, sipping through his beer to at least lessen the pain in his chest.

"No, really, Hoonie. What do you mean?" Sungjae was puzzled but deep inside, he wanted to laugh. Ilhoon thought he has a girlfriend?

Ilhoon, on the other hand, almost crushed the can in his hand. Fucking Sungjae called him Hoonie again. That fucking pet name he died for everyday just to hear it again from him and now Sungjae would just blurt it out so randomly, like nothing happened? Shit, Ilhoon wanted to punch him in the face.

Keeping himself together, Ilhoon managed to talk. "In the cafe, when we met. The phone call you took, you told me girlfriends are crazy. Wasn't that your girlfriend?"

This time, Sungjae cannot help but laugh out loud. Ilhoon rolled his eyes while watching him wipe his tears as he laughed so hard, as if Ilhoon told him the biggest joke of his life.

"I'm not joking, you know. You said that yourself!" Ilhoon said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Sungjae hasn't stopped laughing. Although Ilhoon is starting to bitch out because of this, a little of his heart wanted to just see this— Sungjae laughing in front of his eyes. He'd never told him this before even when they were together but Sungjae was his happiness, Sungjae's happiness was his too, and it is still.

"I know but it's just so funny I'm sorry," Sungjae said, calming down.

A heavy silence took over afterwards. No one dared to talk, neither Ilhoon who doesn't want anymore explanations because he's been broken enough to talk. But Sungjae spoke.

"I don't have a girlfriend," he seriously said. Ilhoon looked at him curiously. "That wasn't my girlfriend, okay?" He added, as if assuring Ilhoon he really have none.

Ilhoon sighed but waited for him to continue.

"If I told you that call was from a girlfriend then I think you misunderstood it. I meant of a friend who is a girl. Damn Hoonie, you really thought about that?" Sungjae asked.

Ilhoon closed his eyes so hard as he mention that pet name again but nodded as his answer. Sungjae chuckled lightly as he lifted Ilhoon's chin to face him. Now, Ilhoon really wanted to punch him for this.

"I won't ever get a girl for myself. Never. You should be the first person to know that. I'm gay and I forever will be. I am gay for you," Sungjae stared into Ilhoon's eyes as he told him this.

Ilhoon didn't want Sungjae to notice his shock. He looked down as soon as he finished his line. He wished to hear this but he didn't know this is how his heart would sink for happiness. Now, he just want to hug him tight.

"That girl," Sungjae spoke again, softer this time "was Sohyun. She is my partner in one of my endorsements and she freaking called me to ask if I already asked you out again and when I told her I still haven't she freaked out saying what if you already have someone else and those stuff. She's too paranoid. I also had the same thoughts, you know, but I kept holding on thinking that you still love me and of course, still gay for me too," Sungjae said. It's Ilhoon's turn to laugh for a short while but when he lifted his head, tears are sparkling on his cheeks and eyes.

"I didn't know. I just thought maybe that's how you really wanted to get over us that you changed yourself and I'm sorry for thinking about that," Ilhoon said, chuckling while sniffing his snots which made Sungjae laugh too.

The latter cupped Ilhoon's cheeks and stared at him again, looking at his every feature intently he's long memorized since. "It's okay. I told you before when we broke up right? I did not fell out of love, and I meant it. I am still in love with you," he said.

Ilhoon rolled his eyes, "Well, I am too." Smiles were plastered on their faces as Sungjae leaned in to kiss Ilhoon on the lips. It wasn't as beautiful as the ones they had before— it was way prettier.

The years they spent away from each other just made their love deeper and who knows, now that they're together again, they can make everything better.

 

~

 

It was March 21 again when BTOB had their comeback as seven members after military service.

Hyunsik, of course, composed the songs in their album. But the title song was by Ilhoon which was named,

Beautiful than Ever.

**Author's Note:**

> please bear with the errors. this is my first successful fic so a kudos means so much to me. hope u enjoyed!


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